Revelations

I have come to realize and learn more about myself in the last 3 months, then I have in a long time. Maybe it's getting closer to thirty, or just finally wanting to accomplish everything I said I would have done by the time I was 30. And I know a lot of it has to do with having someone in my life who is showing me more and more about myself, and is a real honest gentleman.

I have goals, and there are things I want to accomplish for myself, no one else. Yes, others will benefit but I am doing it for me, no one else. I want to lose these last 50 pounds, I want to finish college, and even get a masters. I want to support my family without help from anyone. I want to not need anyone, to be fully independant if I need to be.


I have realized I am not always the best person to be around, and not always the greatest friend. I am not a great listener. I have learned that I am very suspious and not very trusting.. yet I am naive. I tend to think the worse not the best when placed in certain situations.. something I use to be the total opposite in.

I realize not everyone in this world is a huggy lovey dovey person, and without those people, and people like me, the world would be a boring place. I know that I am over emotional, and sometimes it's a good thing. I know that I am selfish in some ways, and others I am the most unselfish person you could know. I do know that I am sensitive, so I try not to take everything you say to me to heart. I have learned not everyone is like that, and that some people mean exactly what they say, when they say it... Oh yeah and I have learned that I think to much.

I have come to see that I have not let everything go in my past. That I do still hold on to anger, and hurt.. and it's not doing me any good, and that I am letting it go.. I want to be free of it.. and so I must let it go.

I have learned that being beautiful is something that takes inside and outside work. I have learned that there is more to a realtionship then emotions, and physical needs.

I know now that I do have a lot to offer someone, if they can put up with me long enough to realize it. I know now that I am intelligent, and beautiful.. and the words of a wise man.. it's all what you project.

I have to come to realize what loving someone who is worthy of it, and all the trust, that goes with it, is like.

know what real love and having a real realtionship is about now.


I know what real happiness feels like, and I like it.